It’s the unexpected little moments in life that often pack the greatest blessings!

About a month ago I realized mid-afternoon that I needed to run to the post office.  Ugh!  I looked horrible;  I’d been cleaning & doing household chores both inside & outside on a really humid day.  Well, I didn’t have time to ‘pretty up’ so off I went.  We have this cute little rural post office in what used to be Bomberger’s Store here in Elm.  I walked in, and the post office lady smiled at me.  She asked how my day was going.  I told her, “you know what the best part of my day is so far?  The fact that we have this little local post office, and I can walk in looking like this, and you still smile at me.”  She grinned.  Just like that a very spiffy-dressed lady walked in, and tried hard not to look me up & down.  Giggle.  I skedaddled.

It’s the little things.

At the end of May/beginning of June, we experienced how 18 years of little moments bunched themselves all up to be one big moment.

We were in the midst of an insanely-busy month.  The boys volleyball team made it to the state semi-finals, and while that was crazy exciting, it hadn’t been in our plans.  Those little moments also turned into a big blessing as we transported youth back & forth with us to games, ate supper in York with Darrin’s 21-year old niece, etc. etc.  In the middle of all this, I started staying up til 2 am many-a-night working on photo albums to give to Chase as a gift at his graduation party.

In 2 weeks time he grew up before my screen-tired eyes.  I watched his sweet eyes & exuberant nature transform a teensy bit with each picture I placed on the page.  By the time we got to baccalaureate night (which was an amazing evening of testimony to God), I was a bit emotional.  When the class (and quite a few of your youth group) lit candles, and slowly walked out of our lives (ok, the auditorium), I almost couldn’t hold it together.

The next day I returned some items to Old Navy, and watched a young mom with 2 really excited little boys putting their quarters into a ball-machine at the store, and the memories came flooding back.  I felt stupid as I walked out of the store with tears streaming down my face, but I couldn’t stop them.

It’s such a mixed-up bunch of emotions, isn’t it?!  I can’t believe those little moments of summer days with slushies & swings went by so fast; I would love a chubby-armed tight neck-squeeze again, and oh, the excitement he would display over the smallest thing. Chase doesn’t shop with me anymore so it goes much quicker without his adorable smile & constant chatter & cheerful wave to anyone in the store who would pay attention to him in the grocery cart.  I don’t miss the incredible hurt in my mother’s heart when others were unkind, or the “oh my word if I have to say this one more time I’m going to scream” moments.  He picks up his own clothing now, and has his work clothes washed before I get home.  He’ll be embarrassed, but he’s still so sweet & helpful to me.  I got a text the other day from someone at church who said they love how whenever Chase drives by he yells out the window & waves if they’re outside.  Aww. Love that! But I don’t miss trying to find him amongst clothing racks or telling him if he doesn’t behave at Hilltop this week that he won’t get to watch Caillou when we get home.  giggle.  Oh my word, that deli store brought out the worst in the both of us each week.  😉  No idea why.

All of a sudden, all those little moments grew up into a 6’4” heap of blessing.  Just in 2 weeks time.

I wonder if I treasured them all in the moment, but I’m also thankful for the blessing of now.  On the other hand, I feel a bit frantic – like, did we teach him enough?  Have we told him everything we should have?  Is there something we missed or screwed up?  Is his foundation firm enough?  Yep, thoughts can almost drive a parent crazy.

On to graduation day…ice cream with family in the afternoon.

Graduation night.

You know another ‘little’ thing that’s a huge blessing for me?!  Dear girlfriends that have walked the whole journey with me!

And Prayer!

I found poems I had written to Chase as he entered kindergarten or second grade or random thoughts as I attempted to be the kind of mother I thought he needed.

Here’s what it all boiled down to.  Prayer.  I needed Jesus.

“Lord, once again we place Chase in Your hands.  He is yours.  All yours.  Thank you for the blessing you bestowed on us when you placed him in our care!  We totally didn’t get it all right, but we’re trusting You to cover what we missed, and to teach what we got wrong.  He keeps hearing, “the world is ours” as he graduates.  Please remind him this is not true.  You are sovereign over all; everything is Yours.  Keep his eyes always on You so everything else falls into place.  You created a race for him to run before he even took his first step.  Help him run!  Send others along the way to encourage him; help his steps to not falter.  Don’t let him get sidelined, because he got weary or distracted, but let him rely on You for his strength, his endurance, and his guidance.   Give him joy when life is sorrowful or overwhelming or frustrating.  Help him to share other’s burdens and every blessing you bestow on him let him hold loosely.  Teach him gratitude, and how to express it.  Remind him to place You first, himself last, and other’s in between; not in a self-loathing way, but confident in who You are and who he is in You.   Shape his character, because “the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and he delighteth in his way”.  Guide him so he lives with such integrity others see You in his words & actions & deeds.  Let him hear Your voice above any other clamor for his attention, and let him be obedient to the Spirit’s voice and nudgings in his life.  Help him to always know how loved he is, even when he makes mistakes!”

Oh, I could go on and on and on.  I’m glad in moments like these that Jesus knows my heart.

Today, I’m thankful for the man who helped me raise Chase.  He leads our family by his example.  We see his faith & his trust & his surrender in his words and deeds.  We have learned unselfishness from his life, and he’s taught us to love others by the way he cherishes each of us.  He’ll be annoyed I wrote all this ‘cause he doesn’t like attention at all!, but God has used him to give our boys a glimpse of what the Father’s love looks like. I often see him standing quietly with his hand on their shoulders.

Oh pssshh.  We’re not perfect.  Not.at.all.  But I love that Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  So know we are weak.  If something good has come out of our lives or our home, it is the work of the Lord!

Dads – thank you for the sacrifices you make & the ways you provide for our families.  We acknowledge your surrender to Jesus in the moments you’ve got it all together & in the moments you don’t feel like you have a clue.  Thank you for not crumbling when we roll our eyes or get belligerent.  Thank you for bearing burdens even when we don’t realize you are, and for being what we need when we don’t want it.  You shape our lives by your actions and words more than you’ll ever realize.  Thank you for having your hands on our shoulders.  Thank you for loving Jesus!  We love you!

I stepped outside for a few minutes this morning to take a picture of the sunrise, and this required walking to the backyard.  I didn’t think our half Rottweiler, half Red-Bone Coonhound had been left out of her cage yet, so I was just traipsing alone with my thoughts.  All of a sudden, I heard a slight noise, and caught movement out of the corner of my eye.  Yep, our exuberant Miss Ellie was barreling towards me.  Do dogs gallop!?  One of the first things I’ve learned here in 2017 is that I can run a bit faster than I thought I could.  It wasn’t graceful, but I beat that dog to the corner of our yard where the underground fence is.  I stopped inches from the farmer’s field that had just been spread with fresh manure. gag.  I turned immediately and walked the underground line back into our house, all the while keeping a happy running dialog with that dog.  I was outside perhaps a grand total of 3 whole minutes.  I came inside, and my boys took one whiff and turned up their noses.  Ugh!  I smelled horrible!  Seriously, I almost can’t stand the whiff I keep getting from my hair & clothing.  I was just outside mere minutes!  How does the smell of liquid manure that has already been spread penetrate so quickly?!  Would you understand if I shared that this almost put me over the edge, and it’s only 7:21 am on Monday morning.  I’m having a “I don’t know where to start” kind of day, and I just want to curl up and go back to sleep.  It made me think of this blog post I wrote a little over a week ago & didn’t publish.  Maybe I’ll share it if any of you could use some encouragement, too, this second week of January…

It’s the early morning hours of December 31, 2016.  I do not understand how this happened, but in the past few months my body has decided 4 am is a great time to be awake and alive.  Doesn’t matter what time I go to bed; my internal alarm clock starts beeping at (what I consider) an ungodly hour.

I haven’t posted in quite some time.  Honestly, between home, work, kids, church, youth group, friends & family, I don’t have much time to process my thoughts.  It’s just not my season for keeping up this blog; that time will come.  I look forward to that, but also thankful for my ‘now’ moments.

I do actually have a few thoughts to share this morning, though.

I LOVE Christmas!  I get ridiculously excited about Christmas music and Christmas lights, decorating, Christmas Eve services, opening gifts, etc.  I love the joy and excitement and anticipation at Christmas! I know many of you are shaking your heads and agreeing with me.

Sometimes I think Christmas reminds me of a diamond.  There are so many different facets, and any which way you look at it, it reflects a little differently.

Beneath the glitter and sparkly lights is the most amazing truth about love and grace; Jesus humbling himself to offer us the gift of salvation.  I have to look into the depths of the diamond to see the beauty.  And I’m realizing more and more how I cannot take my eyes off of that.

Why?  Because all those facets on the surface of the diamond make my head spin.

Reminiscing can bring a sudden unexpected sadness that our boys no longer climb on our laps to hear the Christmas story or squeeze their eyes shut tightly on Christmas eve in the hopes they will fall asleep faster so Christmas morning can arrive.  That leads to bunny trails of “oh my goodness, have we done enough, said enough, taught enough?  Are they getting it?”  Then desperate prayers that they always follow faithfully where God leads them, and trust Him and love Him above all else.  Panic can almost set in. Deep breath.  “Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You.”

A week later I’ll add that I unexpectedly had a moment on New Year’s Eve, too.  Tears just rose to the surface before I could catch them.  An image crossed my mind’s eye of sending Chase off for his first day of kindergarten, and thinking, “man, 2017 – his graduation year – is SO far away!”  Deep breath.  “Lord, let him keep his eyes on You.”

The TV is on, and the news is broadcasting.  Russia’s hacking stuff.  Obama’s response.  Trump’s response.  People still pouting about the election.  THAT just invites a whole bunch more bunny trails!  Where are the people with integrity?  When did it become more important to throw hissy fits rather than, well, meaningful conversation?  We’ve forgotten to pray, but we’re quick to jump to conclusions and share our thoughts with everyone we know on social media.  I’m often floored by those who denounce hate or drama, but incite it by their facebook posts.  Bad stuff is happening.  Everywhere.  We walk through the Holocaust Museum, and the whole time I’m thinking how horrible stuff is still happening, and we’re still not doing anything about it.  What will the future hold?!?  Prayer warriors, we need prayer warriors.  Deep breath.  “Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You.”

I watch widows silently slip into benches on Christmas morning. By themselves.  I think how they woke up alone this morning, and drove themselves to church, and feel tears sting the back of my eyes.  We have friends and family who are missing mothers, sons, daughters, dads, and various loved ones, and somehow Christmas makes the absence and the loss harder to bear.  This is the first Christmas without my grandma, and I realize how much I miss her.  Most of us have someone in our lives battling cancer or other ugly things.  The sadness bubbles up amidst the festivities.  Deep breath.  “Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You.”

We’ve got expectations for this season.  Sometimes they’re met.  Sometimes they’re not.  Plans change.  We miss family.  Family drives us crazy.  We get sick, and nothing gets accomplished.  We do too much, and we’re exhausted.  We try to create something special and no one appreciates the effort like we think they should.  The day after Christmas we begin the clean-up, and laundry, and we still have to cook, and clean and pay bills (including the credit card bill from December).  Lights start to come down, and we’re left with January and February and March, and the normal-ness of life.  Now, I love the coziness of winter-time, but I know the bleakness about drives some of my friends to stay in their electric-blanket covered beds.  And that bunny-trails me to thinking about all the homeless we met during the cold winter months in Philly.  And the crazy busy-ness of our upcoming January overwhelms me.  Deep breath. “Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You.”

I’m beginning to think bunny trails aren’t so great.   There seems to be so much to make us feel sad or depressed or lonely or blue.  I think these feelings hit us especially hard after the holidays.  We don’t always just feel sad about ourselves; compassion for others tugs at our heartstrings, too.  We want to do more, but our efforts are rejected or we don’t know where to start, or we’re struggling just to keep our own heads afloat.  The more you think about it, though, the deeper you go. Can you relate?  One thought leads to another to another to another.

What I am saying to myself this morning is that Jesus still holds all the answers.

He understands, He knows, He’s been there.  He loves, He cares, He’s holding me.  He always was, always is, always will be.

I saw the sunrise this morning.  Amazing how just watching the sky brings on a new perspective.  And I have no idea where it came from, other than the Lord just placing the song in my heart…words from a really old Twila Paris song…

I’m not looking behind me
At mistakes I’ve already made
Hope is living inside me
I believe that my debts are paid
Trusting You now
I know I can make it
I made a vow
I don’t want to break it

There’s no good in comparing
With my friends who are serving You
Lord, all the grace that You’re sharing
Is enough for what I must do
Trusting You now
I know I can make it
I made a vow
And I’m not gonna break it

I won’t look to the left or right
My only goal is keeping You in my sight

Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You
Following You, following You

My Lord, I’m keeping my eyes on You
Following You
I’m just following You, my Lord

Our message at church yesterday was entitled, “High Expectations in a Low Expectation World”.  I love to be challenged in a sermon, and yesterday I was!  There must be more that feel the way I’m feeling.  I shared with some ladies that I was crying through the last prayer, and apparently I wasn’t the only one.  Encouragement as we begin 2017…that we keep our eyes on Jesus, and set the example…living out His calling on our lives. 

It’s not simple, and yet it is!  I saw the word “unwavering” this morning.  I like it.

Unwavering:  keeping my eyes on Jesus.  A beautiful thought heading into 2017.

Happy New Year!

 

 

A couple of weeks ago Darrin & I were among the advisor team who accompanied our youth group to Tower Beach for the day.  It was a beautiful, sunny day!

I have always loved jumping waves, but I am not overly comfortable in the water.  My parents tell me even as a little girl I cried every time they took me in water where I couldn’t see my feet.  giggle.   Apparently that irrational fear has carried over into my adult years.

Jumping waves is fun, but the problem for me is getting past the break point out to where I can just jump a bit and float over each wave.  It completely freaks me out having to dive through a wave, and so it is a bit tricky & involves some careful timing for me to successfully maneuver past all that.

I’ve learned having a 6’5” husband is a definite advantage.  He usually, graciously, walks with me through the waves-are-tossing-tide-is-pulling-me spots to where I can successfully crest each wave before it breaks.

So, I really have no idea what was running through my mind @ 1 pm that day.

I forgot to wear my contacts so I had my glasses on.  I DID take them off, but as I neared the edge of the waves I realized I really couldn’t see very well.  I caught a glimpse of Darrin out in the ocean, and just headed straight for him.  It never even really registered in my brain that he was waving his hands & shouting, “no!”.  I don’t believe I had time for thoughts to form or for the synapses in my brain to start connecting and issue a warning.

Whoosh

Truly, there is no word for that sound & that feeling.

I’m not sure if I was up or down or facing out or in.  I went tumbling every which way.  I think half of me went one way & half of me went another.  I’m really not sure.  I remember thinking, “I’m never going to breathe again!”, when suddenly, I caught some air.  I felt relieved for half a second, and then…I was engulfed again.  I couldn’t stand.  My mouth was full of sand & stones.  Waves were shoving me in.  The current was yanking me out.  Nothing seemed to move of my own accord – I felt like one big grain of sand at the whim of the ocean.  And then the third one hit.  I never saw them coming.  I sensed that Darrin had reached me, and that he was trying to help me.  He kept yelling for me to “GET UP!”.  If my mouth had not been full of water & sand I might have yelled something not-so-nice back at him.  It wasn’t like I was cheerfully hanging out in this predicament.  I felt completely panicked!

Finally…

Some air.

Truly people, this was not a life & death situation.  I’m really only in about 2 feet of water at this point & just feet away from other beach-goers happily reading on the sand.

The waves slowed down a bit, and Darrin ‘bout carried/dragged me out of the breaking zone to a little bit higher ground.  In the first frenzied moments of trying to gulp air I was thankful Darrin was attempting to shield me from at least the closest onlookers.  My swimsuit was nowhere where it was supposed to be, I was trying to spit out sand & stones, my hands were attempting to readjust & rearrange what was supposed to be modest beach attire, and also pull the hair out of my blinking eyes; all the while trying to catch my breath.  A dear lady came running, and yelling, “are you ok, miss?  Are you ok?!”  Darrin was trying to reassure her, but I’m not sure she completely trusted his opinion til I shook my head & smiled a bit.

It took 10 minutes under the shower (thankful for that commodity) at Tower Beach til I had enough sand & stones removed that I could comfortably sit in my swimsuit for the rest of the day.

I did not attempt to enter the ocean again that day; I thoroughly enjoyed watching the youth jump waves & splash & swim.  It made me smile seeing them enjoy themselves.

A few weeks later I found myself standing on the shoreline in North Carolina.

The waves were tickling my feet as the tide started to rise.  My feet would sink deeper and deeper as the tide washed the sand out from under me; sometimes knocking me completely off balance.  After a bit of time, I started to grow a bit weary of the constant repositioning, and so I found a rock & stood there, in the water, and watched the ocean rise and fall.

Some waves would break further out, and just gently nudge against me as they faded away.  Some would surge in fast, and splash against my knees.  Occasionally, on the heels of another wave, one would come in sideways & catch me off guard.  Some rippled.  Some surged.  Some broke right at me, and almost engulfed me.  They were small, they were big, they were weak, they were powerful.  Each moment carried a different landscape; a constant, moving, push and pull, ebb and flow.

I never felt afraid.

I was standing on a rock.

I started humming the song, “so let go, my soul, and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His name.  It is well, it is well with my soul.”  I quit humming, and started singing.  There weren’t many people on the beach, and I figured those who saw me or happened to hear me above the ocean noise might just need to hear the words, too.  (Either that, or they’d have a ‘crazy-lady’ story to tell their families later.  giggle.)

It was one of those exhilarating, powerful moments when you feel, and are overcome by God’s presence.

I breathed deep.  Very, very deep.

Life pushes & pulls and ebbs & flows, too.  Responsibilities & obligations can become a wave.  We want to please or would prefer not to disappoint & so we take on things God didn’t ask of us, and it becomes a wave.   We look too far ahead, because we want to be prepared & we are taken off-balance by a smaller splash from the side.  Satan is subtle, and cunning – he sends wave after wave after wave.  Sometimes I’ve been in the water looking out at the beach when one engulfs me from behind.

I have a Savior who is way more powerful & protective than my husband.  Isn’t that just an amazing thought?!

Christ offers Himself as my Rock.

When I stand firm in Him, everything else is just waves.

They might hit me out of nowhere or they might trickle subtly across my feet, but they are just waves.  They might splash drops of water against my skin or they might engulf me, but they are just waves.

I might see them coming, and brace myself or I might go tumbling for a bit, but they are just waves.

Some might spritz me higher than I prepared myself for, but they are just waves.

Some might be more turbulent or more deafening; others rippling in softly from the side, but they are just waves.

My Father sees them all.  Not a single one surprises Him.

He has already done the bracing for me, He has already rescued me, He has already carried me.

He knows when to protect me, and when to call me out & give me the grace to plow through one or rise over one.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”  Isaiah 43:2

No matter the season of my life, no matter the decisions I am facing or the uncertainty of where He will lead me next I need to stand only in Him, and for Him.  My courage comes from Him.

In this whole sea of life, He has already prepared my way for me.  I will follow Him.

 

5:30 am

Do you do that too?  Wake with a start.  And you lay there for a moment trying to gather your wits about you..put together what day it is..wipe the drool from the side of your mouth…toss a bit to try and bring back slumber ‘cause your body still feels tired…hmmm…did a noise awake me or do I have to pee?  And it’s off.  My mind.  I try to clear it, but stuff keeps spilling in.

I glance at my husband who’s oblivious to my turmoil, and finally sigh and quietly hop out of bed.  I say hop, not because I’m full of energy, but because our bed is too high for me to just slide off of.  There are a few disadvantages to being compacted (as my youngest calls my lack of height).

It’s Mother’s Day.  That thought hits me.

And then so does all the picture perfect Mother’s Day thoughts that society plants in my head.

Where’s my breakfast in bed?!  Why am I awake when everyone else is still peacefully oblivious to the fact that I’m already out of bed & on my feet.  Sure wish I had that luxury.

I checked the kitchen just to be sure no little elf had prepared a feast or left a gift or strewn flower petals on the floor.

Nope.

And then, as my mind started actually making sense of all my thoughts I closed my eyes tight to fight off the mental to-do list, but there it was – rather glaringly bright behind my scrunched up eyeballs.

I entered the office, and started printing off contribution thank-you’s, and beginning the process of ‘closing out’ an event held at our church the night before.  It was for an amazing cause, and I had fun, but the e-mails & texts started around 7 am asking who bought what & for how much, etc. and I could feel any peace inside of me start to leak out – kinda like air in a hose.  I knew if I just accomplished enough to put notices in people’s mailboxes at church that morning, that it would spare me a bit, and so I kept going.  At 7:45 am I re-entered our bedroom, rather unceremoniously awoke my husband & proceeded to hit him with, “can you PLEASE get up & get the boys up & at least help a little before we have to leave for church?!”  And as he’s blinking trying to focus his eyes on me I’m still kinda testily pointing out that I still had to shower, dress & eat breakfast in the next 30 minutes.  I exited with a bit of a flounce & continued on with my agenda.

It didn’t get any better.

No one offered to make me toast.  My youngest was in our bathroom FOREVER.  He couldn’t use his bathroom ‘cause his older brother was sick, and sleeping in and not joining us at church, and we were all being quiet, and their bathroom was in their room, and hence, he was in mine.   And nothing, nothing hurries that dear boy up.  He’s methodical & thorough & I love him to pieces, but I cannot.make.him.hurry.  My husband tried to hurry him, and that resulted in our dear son having to rewash & restyle his hair, which.took.even.longer.   I am now, a bit frantic, and having a teensy bit of a pity party going on ‘cause it’s Mother’s Day, for Pete’s sake, and I think a long, hot bath should’ve been in order – not a quick spritz, and certainly not on the menu was the half-burnt piece of Ezekial bread I was taking bites out of as I stood outside our bathroom.  Waiting.

Finally – I’m in & already getting out of the shower, and my husband decides to brush his teeth.  Our bathroom is not spacious, and so it required him moving aside so I could get out of the shower, and me having to dry off in our bedroom.  And just about then, the tears started chasing each other down my cheeks.  My husband, who really is very sweet, entered the room, and said, “are you ok?!”  And between tears I managed to sputter that I’d totally forgotten to shave & that was the whole reason I had been waiting to take a shower in the first place.

And then he says, “you know, you don’t have to worry about any of us this morning.  We’ll all get ourselves ready.”  Now, I realized, somewhere, that he meant that kindly, but I think I went cross-eyed at that point.  No kidding.  I remember thinking, “it’s Mother’s Day..shouldn’t that mean you’re all worrying about ME?!”

I had to get everything ready to take to church, all papers printed, amounts balanced, youth stuff ready to go, candy put in my special ‘church-candy-purse’, mother’s Day cards bought & signed for our own mothers, gifts bought for the dear ladies, etc., etc. etc., but please, absolutely, get yourselves ready (since they do that every Sunday anyways now that they’re all big like that) – that’d be a HUGE help.

And just like that, it was all about me.

And an hour later, in church, God finished a conversation that a friend had started with me a few days ago.

First and foremost, everything, EVERYTHING I do each and every moment is to be for Him.   After some tough conversations over the past year, I have been assured in the knowledge that God is allowing me to use the gifts and talents He has given me in ways I hadn’t dreamed of, and I know my motives are pure.   God, through various circumstances, has reminded me again and again and again that He is all I need, He is the only one I need to follow and please, and that I need to not let others cause me to feel defeated if I am obeying what God is asking of me.

But as I was sitting there in church, struggling with my emotions, listening to the preacher talk about his saint of a mother, and trying not to feel like I had just undone my whole mothering career in one morning, God reminded me of this…

When I use my gifts & talents for Him, when I do what He is asking of me, He often allows me to find joy & fulfillment in those offerings.   But the joy is not to come from what I am doing – the joy comes in who I am doing it FOR.  Most days I love being  a wife and a mother, and I love encouraging others, and I really love organizing and creating (even if it’s just a sign-up sheet for a youth activity), and I love flower gardening or reading a book, etc.   BUT there are days it all overwhelms me & I feel taken for granted, or neglected or tired & weary or I let others discourage me.  Listen, the enemy knows where to hit me hardest.   The more I obey, the more I trust, the more I serve, the more satan’s going to attack.

And we mothers are no exception.

Each stage brings with it absolute joys, and absolutely stressful what-was-I-thinking moments.

When they were little, I just wanted to take a shower in peace, and maybe have 3 minutes where no one was touching me.  Oh, but their chubby little arms wrapped tight around my neck or the wilted dandelion bouquets they offered – those just melted my heart.

Somedays I want to smack the attitude right out of them.  Or pray that God does.  But the next minute, they’re teasing each other & cracking jokes that make me laugh out loud & I want to savor the moment forever.

I write our schedule in code.  Each person has a color so we don’t get confused who is to be where, when.   And I only have TWO kids.  The obligations, recreations & responsibilities seem endless some days, and yet, God always carves out moments for us to breathe.  Breathe, moms!

In the moments you feel perhaps it really should be about you for a change, remember WHO you are doing it all for.  It changes the perspective.   Somedays I have to pray harder, but it changes my perspective.  And it changes my heart.

I’m still not convinced either of my boys will ever stand in a pulpit, and proclaim that I was a saint.   I do pray, however, they know that in spite of the times they see my glaring faults, that they know without a single doubt that their mom loved the Lord with all of her heart, and that she stormed heaven with her prayers for them.   That she was a piece of clay God continued to mold, and that God saw the beauty in her vessel even on the days she couldn’t see it herself.  I pray they see Jesus in me, and that others see Jesus in them.

And I pray I can instill in them the knowledge that their only true fulfillment & joy will come from living their lives, every single moment, for the One who created them.

I left church completely at peace again, and feeling extremely blessed that God has called me to be a mother.  It is not an easy task, but He is all we need if we can keep our eyes focused & view our lives through His lens.

And yes, my #1 man accepted my apology for the morning outburst, and I didn’t have to make lunch, and he let me read and nap in the afternoon, and even took me for my free cup of Sweet Frog frozen yogurt in the evening.  And the boys, well…they know how I love to hear the words, “wait, what did you just say?” so much that they got me a Mother’s Day card that read, (on the outside) “Happy Mother’s Day to a mom who taught me what life is all about… (and on the inside) “could you repeat it?  I wasn’t listening.”  Oh, it was the worst, most perfect Mother’s Day card for this stage of their lives!

And I laughed & laughed.  I’m so glad God blessed them each with a delightful sense of humor, ’cause we need it around here some days!

So moms, this is the first-day-after-Mother’s-day 2015.  Maybe you felt treasured & cherished yesterday.  Maybe not so much.  Maybe you feel good about being a mom or maybe you feel like you’re drowning.  Maybe you’re filled with joy at the task, or maybe you’re heartbroken at choices your children have made.

Wherever you’re at, God’s there.  Like the song says, “He’s my rock, my sword, my shield”.  Armor up & let Him fight the battles.  You just concentrate on offering up each task as an offering to Him.  I’ll try and do the same!

Happy Being-a-mother-day!!

(and if you didn’t get flowers yesterday, here’s a bouquet from my backyard)

GOOD MORNING!

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!

 

It’s 7:15 am.  I am taking a breath.  A long, deep, suck-in-your-lungs breath.  I think I do that every morning about the same time.  Not because the morning was bad…just because I need to close my eyes and regroup for a second.  Do you do that too?  So far today I’ve half-asleep-acknowledged & muttered to my husband when he was up and talking to me at 4:30 am, tiptoed upstairs to wake one son up early, loudly announced my presence a bit later to the 2nd son who groggily groaned at me, blended smoothies, made breakfast, synced ipods, packed lunches, had devotions, answered sooo many questions, unloaded & loaded the dishwasher, talked to Jesus, cleaned up the kitchen, etc. etc. well, the list could go on for awhile…you get the idea, and could probably add a few of your own!

I found this little blurb I sent to Darrin at work about 10 years ago & it made me grin all over again…

Goodmorning from the sock sleuth.    Yep!  That’s my new job description.  I’ve been given a promotion ’cause I’m quite good at my sock  finding abilities!  Why just this morning I found socks trying to hide in the following places:  halfways under the sofa, in the middle of the living room floor, under…not beside…under the fan   in the bathroom, beside my bed  , stuffed in shoes  that have been put away, under a bag in the dining room, on the floor in the boys room and white socks trying to blend into the carpet right beside the computer.  

I just wanted to share the good news of my promotion with you  ….I’ve been told a raise might be forthcoming, but that I’ve probably spent any bonus already.  

Reading that again made me smile out loud!  We are always needed.  Today, I just wanted to encourage all of you!  So often each of us struggle with the mundane tasks of life.  I’m not going to get all deep and philosophical this morning ’cause quite frankly, I need to get moving again.  Praying that we can each serve cheerfully today, and wait patiently on His timing, and that we can be still long enough to hear Him speaking into our lives and guiding us.

The pictures at the beginning of this post seemed like a breath ago, and the pictures at the end of the post kinda take my breath away as I visually glimpse the fleetingness of time.  Don’t forget what really matters today.  Fix your eyes on Jesus.  I know it’s a bit crazy that it’s overcast and snowing today on the first day of spring, but step to the window for a moment, and just watch the tiny flakes fall, and thank God that He created each one, and that He knows the number of hairs on your head, and that He has your life all figured out even if you don’t.  Look through His eyes today!  He loves you beyond comprehension.

I’m going to end with another poem I wrote back in 2008 – I still have the same prayer today!  Hugs!

Sometimes I lose myself

In the happenings of life

And all the daily rituals

That somehow make time fly.

The boys, the house, my husband too

Mean so much to me.

The yard, the laundry, the meals to make

They seem to shape my identity.

Our schedule seems so very full

There’s so often somewhere to be

But sometimes it makes me all so busy

I forget that I’m still me!

At times I have to stop a bit

And remember what’s important.

The boys grow up in the blink of an eye

Whether or not I’ve been the best parent.

So Lord, I ask for wisdom

At the start of every day

Help me be happy and cheerful

Give me kind words to say.

 Chase & Preston are so precious

Unique in their own special ways.

Help me nurture, guide & teach them

Slow to anger, and quick to praise.

 Some days when I feel down Lord

When I’ve let satan discourage me

Remind me that the highest calling

Is being a mother on bended knee.

 That You alone will keep them

Safe in Your nail-scarred hands.

That I need to faithfully trust You

Believing firmly and seeking Your plans.

Lord, I pray they come to know You

By the example they see in me.

That I do not ’cause them to stumble

When I falter needlessly.

 There’s nothing more I desire

Than that they grow up strong in You.

On fire with a steadfast desire

To honor You in all they do.

So on the days when life is hectic

Please help me to stay calm.

To look beyond the NOW of this world

To the future in the heavenly realm.

Please help me to be selfless

As I labor every day

To look to You for fulfillment

And not desire human praise.

So when I think I’ve lost ME

Help me find myself in YOU

Knowing I’m your precious daughter

That Your hands are holding me too!

This is my very first blog post!  I have considered this for years, and am finally just trusting that perhaps God may use my heart to share with some of yours (plus my love of amateur photography).  I love nothing more than a really deep conversation with a trusted friend; often for the sake of edifying and encouraging, and of course, laughter!  I am so imperfect.  As I focus more and more on myself through His lens, though, yes, I see my utter wretchedness, but also I view the absolute hope & grace He offers each and every moment of my life.

I started initially writing the poem below as an overview of anyone’s life, but parts of me flowed into it.  So it is part reflection, part vulnerability, and mostly a deep, intense knowledge that my Savior knows ME!

Her life seems drab.

Her face does too.

No spark to kindle.

Her spirit’s subdued.

She knows the Master Weaver

Her life is crazy.

Her thoughts are too.

Hundred miles an hour;

She’s coming unglued.

She knows the Master Weaver

Her life is joyful.

At times it’s sad;

She’s overwhelmed some days.

She loves so deeply;

Feels intensely.

Sometimes that’s good.

Sometimes that’s bad.

She knows the Master Weaver

She’s running here,

And doing there.

She’s still

So her heart can learn.

She knows His peace;

Satan whispers lies;

She’s learning to discern.

She knows the Master Weaver

Her love tank’s full.

It has run on fumes.

She’s felt truly cherished.

Her heart’s been numb.

She’s bubbly & excited.

She’s subdued & quiet.

She’s talked incessantly;

Been rendered speechless.

She’s treasured friends.

She’s craved solitude.

She’s listened.

She’s heard.

She’s mourned.

She’s rejoiced.

 She’s received criticism;

Has dealt some out.

Been apologized to;

Has said, “I’m sorry” herself.

She knows the Master Weaver

She’s gone places.

She’s done things.

She’s sat quietly at home

For days.

She goes to the cabin.

She’s been to the beach.

She’s taken trips.

She still has dreams.

She knows the Master Weaver

Some friends have come.

Some friends have gone.

Some have stayed

Through thick and thin.

Some have encouraged.

Some have torn down.

Some have been sandpaper.

Some she’s left walk away.

She has smiled & laughed,

Shared hurts & pains;

Some know her heart,

Some only her face.

She knows the Master Weaver

She’s a mom.

She’s a wife.

A daughter, a friend.

She has family;

Both blood & chosen.

She’s felt joy.

She’s felt sorrow.

She’s cried many tears.

She’s felt happy,

Light-hearted;

She’s felt loss,

Dealt with fears.

She knows the Master Weaver

She sees life clearly.

It’s all a blur.

She’s calm & content,

She’s frazzled,

Unnerved.

She’s easily amused.

She takes long walks.

She’d prefer

To read quietly

Than suffer small talk.

She knows the Master Weaver

She’s tired.

Full of energy.

Not enough

To go around.

She’s impatient.

She’s gracious.

She’s humble.

She’s proud.

Her heart is heavy;

She’s withdrawn,

And shy.

She’s hesitant,

Impulsive,

Triumphant,

And loud.

She knows the Master Weaver

She appreciates music.

Devours books.

Grows daisies

In her garden.

She wears flip flops,

And the color orange;

Likes tattered jeans,

and guys t-shirts.

Would drink coke slushies

All day long;

Prefers a Jeep,

Knows how to work.

She has loved,

She has hated;

Been misunderstood.

She’s been confused.

Lost her focus.

Would spit if she could.

She can hold a tune;

Can’t whistle at all.

Her favorite season

Would have to be fall.

She’s confused.

Lost her focus.

She’s intentional;

Has purpose.

She knows the Master Weaver.

She’s comfortable.

She’s strong & sure.

She prays,

Sings praises,

To the one she adores.

She’s a warrior;

Battle-scarred;

She’s beautiful;

He knows her heart.

 

The Master Weaver knows HER.

All the knots and the tangles,

The unexpected loops,

He patiently weaves

Into a beautiful art.

The softness of silk,

The resilience of tweed

Is all masterfully woven

Into a life meant to please.

He uses the patches,

He repairs the split seams,

He weaves in bright colors,

Among the blacks, grays, & creams.

He’s embroidered His name

On top of hers,

Covered all the frays

And tattered ends that are torn.

He stretches & pulls,

Adds more colors and threads;

He skillfully tightens

When she’s skipping ahead.

Each moment,

Each heartache,

Each joy

Or mistake,

Every tear,

Every smile,

He carefully

Takes,

And He mysteriously weaves

It all together for good.

She’s a beautiful mess.

He has covered the wounds.

She is a princess of God.

He has claimed as His own.

She’s found freedom in surrender.

She is forgiven and KNOWN.